EP # 198 When Old Flames return.

Robb (: 00:00

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina?

Tina (: 00:06

I'm hanging in there Rob, you ready for your surgery tomorrow? No?

Robb (: 00:09

No. I mean, yes and no. And it's funny, if you're listening to this, it's already happened. But yeah, we were recording this the day before my surgery. I'm ready for it, but I'm a tad scared. Going under is always interesting as you get older. And then I know, you know, it's my right shoulder and my right bicep and I'm right handed.

Tina (: 00:23

Well.

Tina (: 00:31

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 00:39

So it's gonna be gonna be an interesting time for the next couple of months for sure. I'm sure I'll I'm sure I'm gonna need help with something because it's it's a coming but yeah we'll see I've prepped.

Tina (: 00:45

Well, if you need anything, let me know.

Tina (: 00:59

remember when I was 18 I had dental surgery and I had my wisdom teeth pulled out and my my boyfriend went MIA I found out later he was cheating on me with my cousin who needed her ass kicked but anyway you stayed with me that whole weekend and this was before we had like good TV for the weekend or whatever we watched crappy TV

Robb (: 01:06

I did. Probably that sounds that sounds like me mostly then. Yeah.

Tina (: 01:25

And you just hung out and I think we may have colored together but yeah You did You showed up when my boyfriend was out screwing around

Robb (: 01:38

Yeah, well, you know that that whole you know surgery regardless is difficult And that one the the wisdom teeth one is a whole other weird monster the first day you're horrible and then you slowly get better but yeah, I you know, I remember that that was just us hanging out and Bullshitting around kind of like what we do here

Tina (: 01:46

it is.

Tina (: 01:55

Yeah.

Tina (: 02:02

Yep, kind of, yeah.

Robb (: 02:04

Kind of. But yes, we'll see what happens to me come tomorrow evening. But yeah, we'll see. I'm sure I'm sure I'll be pleasant the next couple of weeks. One of the things they have me on and I'd love to tell you the name of it, but I don't. It's some nerve for nerve pain. The one thing that the pharmacist told me he went through this whole line of thing and it's very and he goes,

And it'll give you mood swings. I was like, well, that's the last thing I fucking need a mood swing. Yeah, I thought it was kind of funny. was like mood swings. Great. I go, better take the Percocet. That'll just make me go to sleep so I won't have mood swings. Yeah, right. Right. My my crazy. Right. Yeah, for sure. Right. Speaking of going back, that was a very good.

Tina (: 02:37

What?

Tina (: 02:45

You're gonna know what it's like to be an 18 year old woman.

Good luck with that! I wouldn't go back.

Robb (: 03:01

segue that you didn't mean to do. We talked about doing this show quite a while ago because of things that happen in our lives. It's the best way of putting it. Yeah. Let's talk old flames that come back into our lives. Because I find that to be interesting.

Tina (: 03:01

You're welcome. gave you a couple.

Tina (: 03:13

And I think I was like, ooh, I don't want to do that.

Tina (: 03:22

Mmm.

Robb (: 03:30

to say the least. And sometimes, and more than often, they come into my life quite often. People that I haven't either seen or talked to in a very long time. I find it very interesting, probably because I'm a talker now and kind of like you where people think they know they can just lean on us.

Tina (: 03:43

Yeah.

Tina (: 03:57

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 03:58

Which is awesome and I have no problem with that. But that's kind of where I think I'm the support. They love to come into me because I'll talk to them regardless. Kind of like I had a friend who dated some horrible asshole for two years and then

text me out of nowhere and was like, hey, this is what's going on. So was like, okay. And then I went down that road. And then we have a mutual friend who kind of out of nowhere came back into my life. And in a good way, like just she's a hoot and got a lover and we do still talk. I mean, she's a busy person because she is in the medical industry and as

Tina (: 04:43

got a lever.

Robb (: 04:52

a lot of work to do. But and then out of nowhere, another person came into my life not too long ago. Someone I dated a long, long, long time ago. Like I was, let's see. I was 24 years old when I dated this girl. Yeah, and we dated for quite a while.

Tina (: 05:14

Wow.

Robb (: 05:21

We moved in bought a house together She ended up leaving to go to another state because her mom got sick And then wanted to sell our house and I said no and then she sued me and then Kind of just disappeared off the planet for this many years. I've talked to her here and there Via Facebook, but nothing crazy just like

Tina (: 05:37

you

Robb (: 05:51

Hello. Hey, how's it going? And then when I mean sparingly, I mean maybe three times in the last 20 years. Yeah, so she's going through some personal stuff. So she texts me and was like, hey, you know, thanks for helping me out the last time I needed it and blah, blah, blah. And like, I'm here for all my friends, even my exes, even all my exes. mean, truly.

Tina (: 06:02

Wow.

Tina (: 06:17

All your exes.

Robb (: 06:20

I'm just that guy. just don't I don't hold grudges. Yeah, I mean, I guess that could be a good thing. Yeah, sometimes sometimes I just go, OK, but, know, so I thought like. Because me and you have both had.

Tina (: 06:27

People don't forget you.

Tina (: 06:33

Well, some of them I think you wish would forget you, but...

Robb (: 06:50

flames from the past reignite and come into our lives sporadically and then disappear and then come back and disappear and come back and disappear. I found it kind of an interesting thing where I think social media is the bigger part of this. And I think this probably happens to a lot more people than we think. I know a few people that it's happened to.

I think since Facebook kicked off, because like I think once that really started rolling, even in our age, I started talking with people from school that I hadn't talked to in years and years and years. I mean, I... And I always end up in these, pardon the pun, compromising positions with these people.

Whether it's sleeping with them or so deep into their relationship that I feel like I'm part of it. Or I am part of it and no one else knows it's lots of these very odd things come from this. And I think that it's probably more common than we think.

Tina (: 08:03

Mmm.

Robb (: 08:18

I would, I would wonder what the statistics are of cheating spouses that are with people that were off social media. You know what I mean? Cause it's gotta be, cause it's so easy just to sneak into someone's DM and it's yeah. And I, and I would guess that that is the bigger

Tina (: 08:33

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 08:39

Absolutely,

Robb (: 08:49

the bigger way of this thing happening. just, people roll in and then the next thing you know, you're talking because it's so easy to talk to these people. Because it's, it feels like home.

Tina (: 09:02

Yeah. I don't know that I've ever had anybody get a hold of me through social media that was an ex. They're more blatant. They just text.

Robb (: 09:16

Yes, I've had I've had some of them I've had that as well. I mean it probably doesn't help too that we have had the same phone numbers for ever Mm-hmm Yeah, I've had this same phone number since 92 93 whenever I got my first cell phone

Tina (: 09:26

Since it was my pager? No, that's not a long time.

Tina (: 09:39

Wow. Yeah.

Robb (: 09:43

So I've just kept porting it over and porting it over and porting it over. So to the point where one time they were telling me that they wanted to give me a new number and I was like, no. They're like, you sure? said, no, I'm positive. Because I've had people call me 15 years later and they're like, Rob? I'm like, yeah, yeah. crap. Yeah. So and then if not, they just find me on Facebook or Instagram or.

Tina (: 09:56

Yeah.

Tina (: 10:03

Oh, was that easy to get a hold of you?

Robb (: 10:10

You know, however else. Those are the, but I've had people just DM me out of nowhere. Yeah, I mean, from our past. That's right. Through an email. Yeah, because there's an email in the notes section of our show that if you wanted to get ahold of us, you can. And here's the funny thing. I had,

Tina (: 10:11

Great.

Tina (: 10:16

Yeah, well look at one of one of my exes ex Got ahold of us because of the podcast that she's listening to that little sneaky bitch Yeah through email

Tina (: 10:35

That's hilarious.

Robb (: 10:39

forgot the password and I had never checked the email like ever. And and then I went through it because I wanted to. I put all my emails now on my iPad so they I can go through them if I get something and. I looked and I when did I tell you that message from like 2022 or something like that? Yeah, like fucking whoops, like really I and and look.

Tina (: 10:55

Nice.

Tina (: 11:01

Yeah, something like that.

Robb (: 11:09

It is easy to get a hold of people. It's really not hard to find people if you really want to find them. Mostly on the internet. I mean, if you type in your name, you'll find you, where you've lived, know, other addresses. There's all kinds of information that is quite scary and very easy to find. So, you know, old flames are dangerous. I mean, I'm single.

Tina (: 11:14

It's true.

Tina (: 11:28

Mm-hmm. It is.

Robb (: 11:38

So it's not a big deal. think when you're single, you're like, cool. It's just feels, you know, it feels like old hat and it's, you can, it's very easy to roll into it. And you know what I mean? Like it just feels like home because it's, you're easy to talk to. Most of you, if you had like a significant relationship with somebody because it just feels like the past and you never look at the bad parts of the past. You always look at the good parts.

Tina (: 11:49

No, hold that.

Robb (: 12:07

No matter what you do, you overlook every bad thing that ever happened in that relationship and you're like, hey, because sometimes and mostly long, long periods of time, you've grown since then. Like I wasn't the same person 25 years ago. I'm just not that person anymore, which was kind of like the girl.

Tina (: 12:24

yeah.

Tina (: 12:28

Very true.

Robb (: 12:35

that was in New York that passed away that she kept thinking that I was that same guy. And I was, I kept trying to tell her like, you know, that's just not me anymore. That's, I mean, I'm similar, but I'm definitely not the same. Right? Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 12:41

Yeah.

Tina (: 12:52

No, you didn't drink then. You didn't have a kid then. I mean, you've had a whole different set of lives in that time since you've seen her.

Robb (: 13:06

Yeah, and I mean, yes, I was married. I went through a divorce. I, you know, I've been raising my son alone. I moved around, like just lots of things. You and like 400 other other people.

Tina (: 13:12

You moved around. But the drinking, the drinking though, that kind of shocked me when you started drinking because how many times did I try, hey Rob, do you want to try to drink? You want to have a drink? You know, and.

I know, but I was always the bad influence that could get you to do things, but I couldn't get you on that one.

Robb (: 13:29

If my best buddy couldn't do it, and let me tell you, we had some interesting times together, me and him. He was drinking at like 16. We ended up having a like spring break.

off because his parents and his sister and his little brother went to Texas and left us the house. So we threw a kegger and I didn't drink. Yeah, had a kegger. Yeah. So, so for me, I can see how we look at things easily when these people come back in our lives. Whether you're looking to, you know, have a spark or not, you know, it's just easy. It's so easy. Mostly the our friend.

Tina (: 14:04

And you still didn't drink at a keger you sound like me though

Robb (: 14:29

the she's just so easy to fall back into. She's, she's sweet. She's charismatic. She will make you laugh. She'll make to me. She's the one who makes me feel the most young again. Right. But I mean, she's just she's the same, even though she's different.

Tina (: 14:36

Thank you.

Tina (: 14:51

No, it's because you dated her when you were young.

Tina (: 14:56

She is

Robb (: 14:59

You know, like, I see, I see how she's different, obviously. She has children, you know.

There's that she's been married like there's just a lot of things but then there's the things that I like I'll say something or will giggle and she she has a snort when she laughs and As soon as she does that I feel like like this is the same exact person. I mean this was a girl who would sneak away from school and

Tina (: 15:23

Yeah.

Robb (: 15:29

come and say, you know, and stay with me for the day to ditch school and then come say hi. So for me, I find it very interesting, you know, that part. You know, where you're like, like, this is the same person. Right. So for me, I find it

Tina (: 15:39

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 15:47

I get you.

Tina (: 15:55

You're back.

Robb (: 15:59

where it's just easy. It's just easy to fall into these people again. for me, I'm such a easygoing person. Not that I can't say no, but I have issues saying no. Yeah, so...

Tina (: 16:05

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 16:24

Do you now?

Robb (: 16:28

Yeah, mean, I just I'm just a mellow guy. So it's like and I like falling back into that. So. But here's now here's the flip side. When I was married, I wouldn't have even gone. You know, back at all. I didn't talk to people, so.

Tina (: 16:29

Explain. No, I'm kidding.

Robb (: 16:52

But I can see why people do it. It's like, yeah, it just feels so easy. And again, it's too easy for it to happen. I see things like that and just go, yeah, like crazy. You just gotta, I think as...

Tina (: 17:05

Yeah.

Robb (: 17:16

people we just have to make sure that we're keeping people at an arm's length so yes correct and and quickly and quickly so you i think you just have to

Tina (: 17:24

Yeah, especially if you don't want them blowing up your life because they can and will if given the opportunity.

Tina (: 17:37

and quickly.

Robb (: 17:45

Make sure you're both understanding what's going on. I guess that's the best way of putting it.

Tina (: 17:55

I don't think, okay, so the person that gets hit up on, like when you're getting hit up on, that's not your fault. You're going about your business, you're living your life, you're not bugging anybody, but you know, then somebody comes and puts themself right smack in the middle of your world. They shouldn't be doing that. And especially if they're in a situation where they get in trouble, they should stay...

Away, but people don't stay away these days my friends and I We always say they all come back. I mean we say like that they all Come back and i've noticed that to be the truth And i'm not I don't funny thing is is I don't go backwards like If they were to if they contact me and i'm single or whatever. Yeah, i'll go out with them but

I don't look for that. You know what I mean? I'm not the one that's calling, I missed you or I just called to see how you were. I don't do that. I don't know why I don't do that. Probably because you like to leave the train wrecks behind you. But yeah, I've noticed that they do come back. And I don't know how, well if I look at your life, the women all come back too. But I don't know who's worse, men or women.

Robb (: 18:54

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 19:20

Men? Men will do it.

Robb (: 19:22

I think men do it more.

Tina (: 19:24

You think so?

Robb (: 19:25

Yeah. I think. But again, I think that that's also because I'm a man. And and look, I and I definitely I watch a lot of things and. Hearing. YouTube is can be the the death of you, so it's like a.

Tina (: 19:49

Right.

Robb (: 19:52

It'll just suck you in so quick. But I watch a lot of quote unquote red-pilled stuff or black-pilled or whatever you want to call it where but you know all these women will talk about you know men you know doing things like that like hey just texting you hey what's up so I definitely think that men do it a lot but that being said I want to say this without sounding absolutely horrible but

I think a lot of men do that to women that they know they can fish or get in with and maybe sleep with. So they're hitting up the ones that are, I don't, yeah, and I don't wanna say easy, because I don't believe that's the right word, but that's the only word I can think of. don't,

Tina (: 20:21

That's it.

Tina (: 20:35

they won't bring up their numbers.

Tina (: 20:46

Well, it's like they've already been there, done that. They know how to get into the soft spot of a woman and then they try to slide into it. Yeah.

Robb (: 20:55

They take advantage of it. Yeah. Now, but here's the thing. I think a lot of the people that they're texting are going to also give them back something. You know what I mean? So like, they're hitting up people that they know are going to reciprocate.

Tina (: 21:06

Mmm.

Tina (: 21:15

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 21:15

So that's a two-way street. Now, if you're the one getting text, you need to cut that off at the legs. Because if you're not, there's a bigger problem. That's how I look at it. You can't, or right from the gate, say the friend word.

Tina (: 21:26

Yeah.

Tina (: 21:32

Yes.

Tina (: 21:44

You're in the zone, buddy.

Robb (: 21:45

Yeah, or just about be good about it like some of us know we're in the friend zone and some people and and guys will try to Chip away at that You know, we're we're good at that We're like Like over and over and over over again and we're gonna do our best to to get there

Tina (: 21:51

Yeah.

Robb (: 22:15

even though we know it could be just a never ending battle of never gonna happen. But, you know, I also think that guys will become the old flame to be the shoulder to cry on.

Tina (: 22:21

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 22:31

Yeah, that just doesn't I don't know why women do that. It's like Leave him alone. You know, he doesn't want to put up with your your stupid Decisions and bullshit that you come attached with when when he was with you you didn't have all that So why would he want to dive into that with you? I don't understand why women do that to be honest. I just don't

Robb (: 22:40

Again, I think it has more to do with just being

So What's the word for it it women will use men from their past because they know they can get what they want to hear or Or you know what I mean? Like they know that they're going to be there for them whether and whether it's friendship or not, so if they are if they're looking to lean on a shoulder and it's They want to have sex with them. It's gonna turn into that regardless because women

Tina (: 23:25

Yeah.

Robb (: 23:36

generally hold the cards or they're going to get a hold of somebody because they value your opinion of what the situation is. Cause like, I'll tell you for sure. Cause I think people that I've had in my past will text me about their relationship and go, what do you think? Knowing that I'm, you know, and I'm talking like far away from each other.

Tina (: 24:03

Right.

Robb (: 24:03

We live far from each other. So it's not like I'm gonna like drive down the street to them. The shoulder is literally an electronic shoulder where they're just like, hey, what do you think? And this is this or they know my past with other people. So they're, they're hitting me up literally for that. But I have also had people that aren't far away do the same thing to where you question

Tina (: 24:11

Yeah.

Tina (: 24:22

again.

Tina (: 24:30

Yep.

Robb (: 24:33

The motive. Yeah, who ruined your hair?

Tina (: 24:35

Question everything when somebody comes back around them. What the hell do you want? whether it be friends that I'm not friends with anymore or guys that I've dated or Just people in general that like even here doing here Like clients that don't come in for a long time and then all of a sudden they're back. I'm like, what the hell? Yeah, yeah, who am I fixing stuff from like there's always all ulterior motives and

Robb (: 25:00

I probably wouldn't have as a younger person, but I definitely do it now. Right.

Tina (: 25:04

It's funny because I... I'm constantly questioning it. I do. I always question it.

Tina (: 25:18

Oh, I questioned it even as a young... probably more when I was younger, because now I know. I'm like, oh, you haven't gotten a laid in a while. Your wife isn't taking good care of you. Or, oh, you're calling because you did get your hair screwed up. Oh, sucks to be you. Or, you know, just, you know, stuff like that. Or, oh, you're lonely and I used to take care of that. Yeah, get a move in.

Robb (: 25:29

Right. Right. Right. And I think that, look, and I think that people become that

I hate to say safe space, but safe space. You know what I mean? It's just, they know they can get something out of you, whether it's betting you or you just being the person there for them. And look, I think we've all done it to some degree. Again, to some degree. Because...

Tina (: 25:54

Yeah, absolutely.

Tina (: 26:08

Yeah?

Tina (: 26:14

Yeah.

Robb (: 26:19

We've all needed somebody. Whether it's a friend or an old flame. And sometimes they're the same. You know, I think it's about putting people. I hate to say it in categories. Like your own self category. Where, you know, the first time it happens, it's both of you. The second time it happens, it's then it's you.

Tina (: 26:26

Yeah.

That's true.

Robb (: 26:49

If you're if you keep letting it happen over and over again, it's you and and if you know the end result That's also on you So, you know if you're gonna get if this person comes back in your life and you're like awesome and you whatever happens and then They you know go away Then that's on you because you knew it was gonna happen because they did it the first time and the second time and the third time like at some point you have to just

Tina (: 26:49

Yeah.

Tina (: 26:57

Raheem?

Tina (: 27:12

Yep.

Robb (: 27:18

go, hey, and then keep them at such an arm's length of that I'm good, or I can't do this anymore, or whatever that is. Because I mean, I think that's the bigger thing. You have to draw lines in the sand. And I think that's at any age that you just have to go look. We were old flames for a reason. That reason was that

Tina (: 27:37

Absolutely.

Tina (: 27:44

And the reason is you're a dumbass left for somebody that you shouldn't have been with. So go back and deal with that. That shit and leave me alone.

Robb (: 27:52

Right, right. Or, or, and look, this one that came back into my life recently, like this girl went away and got married and had kids and like literally wasn't in my life. So I think her just hitting me up was more just like, hey, because we did talk about her relationship like one time before. And I gave her

Tina (: 28:14

in.

Robb (: 28:16

my opinion and mostly listened. This was really more of a listening thing than giving my opinion because I think this person needed to

Tina (: 28:21

Yeah.

Tina (: 28:30

I'll catch you.

Robb (: 28:32

without diving really deep into it. So I think this time, because the first time she hit me back up, the first thing she said was, you know, just want to thank you for helping me out and listening to me. Because some people just need that. But sometimes we do need that. Generally, I think you should lean on your friends for that, not exes. I'm just saying, I mean, but.

Tina (: 28:53

right?

It's true. Why would you go backwards?

Robb (: 29:01

Yeah, I mean like I said in this case it's been 25 years so I don't think it's really going back because again, I'm not the same person she knew and And I guarantee she's definitely not the same person I knew There's we're just not even

Tina (: 29:09

Right? Not at all.

Tina (: 29:14

Yeah.

Robb (: 29:17

even to the point of like she said certain things and I'm like, yeah, that is kind of, that's you, you're the same person. But I know you're not because you've told me things that's happened in your life. which I think is another good thing about Old Flames coming back into your life, assuming that you're single and like whatever. Because I think you start learning who they were and who they are.

Because sometimes that's important even if you're just trying to be friends again with somebody because I don't know who this girl is And I kind of told her that so I asked her like silly questions like yeah, do you do this now? And she's like, yes. Yeah, like, okay because we're we're not the same people I mean fuck 25 years Yeah

Tina (: 30:06

And you don't know each other. It's been... If it's been 20 plus years, you don't know.

Robb (: 30:10

that you don't know. Even our mutual friend, every time that we talk, it could be two, three years in between. It's like, hey, what's going on in your life now? Because you don't know. It's funny because I talked to...

Tina (: 30:23

Yeah.

Tina (: 30:29

That's true.

Robb (: 30:34

several episodes ago about my friend in North Carolina and I hadn't talked to her in a while. And I still haven't, but I did send just a text to her, like a regular like, hey, I know we haven't talked in a while. Like, I just want to make sure you're doing OK. Just to say it, because I kind of feel bad that I never really kind of text her back or got a hold of her again. So. know, baby steps, because, know,

Some of these old flames or whatever are we're really really good friends first and in this case I miss my friend like because she's just a good head and and I hope she's doing really well and I'm sure she's not gonna be very open to telling me anything and that's fair but I felt better that I did you know at least you know serve that ball over

Tina (: 31:15

Yeah.

Robb (: 31:32

into the court and just go, hey, I just so you know, like I'm thinking about you in a platonic way. Like I hope she's doing okay. But even that, I'm sure she was like, fuck, he's texting me because there is, you know, there was something there. that, you know, I'm sure that she was looking at me like, the old flames coming back into my life. So it's, yeah.

Tina (: 31:48

Right.

Tina (: 31:56

And that's kind of what it is. It's food. They call that fishing You know if you're just checking in or you're just sending a message or yeah, I always say don't do that to me

Robb (: 32:01

And look, I would say don't do that to me if I live down the street. I mean, in this case, she literally lives all the way across the United States. I'm not gonna jump on a plane.

Tina (: 32:20

I I have said not so long ago Don't don't mess with me. Don't come back. Don't try anything Unless you are single and actively pursuing me

If there's any attachments if there's any bullshit if there's any drama if there's any thought of anything other than that You know and you're not completely Single and wanting to date me then stay the hell away Like there's no there's no reason for that and if I'm with somebody don't even bother don't

Robb (: 32:55

Right. Well, and if you don't know, and the first words is, hey, look, I'm with somebody, you need to peel back and go, okay, thanks. Yeah. Because I think that no one comes out of that good. And I'll...

Tina (: 33:02

Yeah, absolutely.

Tina (: 33:10

No, no, and I always say do you really is this really something you want to do is start talking to me again because you know, I'm not that person that's just gonna go and and You know have sex with you a couple times and then walk away like I don't I don't have time for that shit

Robb (: 33:26

Right. Yeah, see, I'm and I'm really bad at that. So like I I get attached. So. I get very attached, you know, I've been I've been told I'm obsessive.

Tina (: 33:43

You

Robb (: 33:45

Yeah. Of course. For sure. And look, I'll be the first to admit it. And I told her the same thing to a degree. mean, I don't think I I'm a bit much or I can be. But see, here's my problem with that. I even told her the same thing. I'm I'm very much.

Tina (: 33:46

I'd say at times you can be. don't see you being that all the time, but you've got a little bit of that in you.

Robb (: 34:11

Lot during the courting period and then I have problems after that Because you know, it's that it's the I now that I'm in a relationship I I I cool off Yeah, so then you you peel back all that fun stuff or that romantic stuff or this kind of stuff and then you're the Well, why aren't you doing this anymore? It's like, okay. I Thought I was obsessive

Tina (: 34:16

Yeah.

Tina (: 34:21

It's catcher, yeah. It's do whatever you gotta do to catcher and then you're like, we're together.

Tina (: 34:39

right?

Robb (: 34:40

Or I'm too much right there this so you're kind of damned if you're doing damned if you don't Because can't get the girl unless you're a little bit forward because there's always gonna be somebody else being forward so Dating is a whole nother show but a whole nother thing Is again you're damned if you're doing damned if you don't I? Will tell you that things I find funny with old flames is

Tina (: 34:46

Exactly.

Tina (: 34:52

Yep.

Robb (: 35:11

you find yourself so easily drawn back in because you think they're the same person. And then, you know, and then it takes a little while to realize they're not. Sometimes it's very, very quickly and you're like, shit, you are nothing like the person that I know.

Tina (: 35:23

Yeah.

Tina (: 35:30

Yeah.

Robb (: 35:37

And sometimes that's really good. But sometimes you're like, yeah, you are the same and you are the same and you are the same. And then one thing and you're like, shit, you're not even close to the same person that you were. And that's, you know, good and bad. Or sometimes it's good because then you get off that train fairly quickly. Or you, I think with old flames and friends,

Tina (: 35:51

Yeah.

Robb (: 36:07

they'll come into your life to get what they need. And I mean that in the utmost respectfully nice way. And I do mean it that way. Like I think, you know, they needed a voice, they needed a shoulder, they needed whatever, they needed.

Tina (: 36:14

Right.

Robb (: 36:24

confidence, whatever that is. then they just disappear again. So I think for the person that's getting hit up, you definitely have to have a very, very big wall in front of you and talk through one little hole in it.

Tina (: 36:47

Yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right because it could go bad very quickly

Robb (: 36:49

Because you can, you can, yeah, or you can, you can fall into the trap of, man, this is great. Because like the old yous, both of you, are like very much into each other again. You're like, this is awesome. This is who we were. And then, then you find out, or you find yourself, one of you find yourself very much involved in one, the other one might not be.

Tina (: 37:06

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Tina (: 37:18

Yeah.

Robb (: 37:19

And that's it's. And again, that's any relationship to be fair, but I definitely think it's easier with people that we've known or slept with or had long relationships with.

Tina (: 37:32

Well yeah, because you've had an intimate, you know, an intimate situation with them that goes deep. It goes deeper than most. I mean, you know Rob, over the years, do you know how many guys have had a problem with you and I being friends? Guys and girls are not friends, ever. Like really? Cause I could prove you wrong a few times. Like not just one, but I have several male friends that I've never touched inappropriately, kissed.

Robb (: 37:57

Several. Anything.

Tina (: 38:02

had romantic anything with and Man, I I get it that most people don't have those situations because they can't control themselves But you and I've had a very clear line always That's never it's never wavered. It's never wavered about one of my friends in El Paso same thing He and I have never had anything

Robb (: 38:07

Correct. Correct.

Tina (: 38:29

I mean we could sit in the same room with our feet up, nobody else around, watching a dodger game, eating ice cream, talking, having a very like close moment but almost, it's almost like having a brother or a cousin or somebody that's just, he's just my friend and not just my friend, I hate that, I don't know why I said that but he's a good friend that doesn't try in any way to take advantage of anything just like you.

Robb (: 38:41

Right.

Robb (: 38:53

Right. Right.

Tina (: 38:59

And I tell people I will not lose those friends. There's no reason for it. And if you cannot trust me on that level, then we can't be together. I'm not saying that to try to blow smoke up anybody's ass, but those friends that you could be total complete friends with and talk about whatever we're talking about.

and it not ever cross a line, those are people that you really need in your life. And so for somebody that you're dating to, or dating or married to to say, no, you can't be with that. I'm like, yeah, I gotta go. You're not gonna tell me what to do.

Robb (: 39:38

Yeah. It's be, look, and I agree. It's most, most men and women can't be friends. It's a very small percentage. And

Tina (: 39:46

Right.

Robb (: 39:52

Yeah, I'm sure that at some point someone has thought something about our friendship I'm sure not said anything to me. No, no, that's not that's kind of what I'm saying that No, I've never heard it. But I I it wouldn't surprise me is what I mean. I'm sure someone has thought it I'm sure as someone at some point

Tina (: 39:59

Really? You've heard something, no?

Okay.

Tina (: 40:15

It's crazy.

Robb (: 40:21

But that being said, like, you really have to be around me and you though. And then you then you'd realize it because like the only thing that I will say we ever cross a line on is the most foul jokes. Like foul, like horrible shit. Where a lot of and again, not and I mean, just offensive or like sexually offensive. Because like, look, that one night I went over your house, it was just me, you and

Tina (: 40:26

Yeah.

Tina (: 40:35

Yes, we like those.

Robb (: 40:50

the rest of your horde of insanely crazy women. Like, and look, I'm pretty easy going and pretty open and like, ha ha ha. And I remember the one, I can't even tell you who it was, but they're like, yeah, take your dick out. And I was like, whoa, for a second I went, hold on a second. No, but because now I realized that women are incredibly more,

dirtier than men. It's no, it wasn't no, no, no, no, it wasn't you. Yeah, it was one of your friends. No. And again, this was more just saying that like it's easy for people to take things a certain way because of something like that. I'm sure if if I was around somebody, even if a male friend was with me and

Tina (: 41:21

And by the way, that wasn't me that said that. Because I think I even said, I'm just going to turn around.

Robb (: 41:46

And at the same time, I'm sure someone would be like, nothing's going on with anyone here. It's like, no, they're just drunk, dirty women that when you're, think they're dirty. It's not even close to the same. It's women have men topped.

Tina (: 42:04

Are you talking about my friends in particular or just women in general?

Robb (: 42:06

The ones that we were there, but I think in general because other girls I've talked to will say the same thing to me. They're like, yeah, they're foul. Like you put a little bit of alcohol in a woman and they'll say all kinds of crazy shit. And I was like, and never do a thing, but say it out loud. Like it's no big deal. Where men, I don't think men will do that as much. Men will cat call you when they're sober.

just because they're dicks. in a bar setting, we're, we generally, and again, we're going to use the bell curve here on the show, we're generally less likely to be so forward. You know, there's a small percentage of men that don't give a shit and they'll be forward at every single person and they just, they fish with a much bigger...

Tina (: 42:44

You

Tina (: 42:59

Yeah, that...

Robb (: 43:00

You know, net, yeah. Yeah, they like to put the whole net in the water and just pull out as many fish as they can. My thing is, you know, this has been a pretty quick show today. I look at old flames in...

Tina (: 43:03

Hehehe

right?

Robb (: 43:19

in a good way in a bad way and And I'll say that knowing that I've had several come into my life over the last two years several out of nowhere It's you you have to be very

Tina (: 43:33

That's true.

Robb (: 43:43

You just have to be careful. Mostly if you have at any time had a serious, serious attraction to them. Because the only person that's gonna get hurt is you. 99 % of the time. Because it's so easy to get involved in those things that old feelings come back very, very, very quickly. Where

Tina (: 43:55

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 44:13

With some people, it's, there's a lot of feelings there, but they cut that situation off fairly quickly. Like, just so you know, this is all it is. Yeah.

Tina (: 44:23

Yeah.

That ain't happenin'.

Robb (: 44:28

And then, and then there's some that you, know, from the very start that it has nothing to do with anything sexual, anything. It's you're literally there to listen and like, I'm just a, that kind of person. I'm sure the most people from my past, if they called me, I would give them at least, you know, Hey, what do you need? What are you calling me for something? I mean, my old roommate will text me out of nowhere.

Tina (: 44:54

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 44:58

Just to go, hey, this, this, this, this, this, I'm dating this guy. What do you think? OK. Let me I'll give you my opinion. So. I just happen to be that guy. I'm the. I'm the shoulder to cry on or the person to listen and. And look more power to me. I mean, I'm sure a lot of that happens to be my own my own fault. You know.

Tina (: 45:01

Right.

Tina (: 45:26

Yeah.

Robb (: 45:28

Maybe as I grow older now in my 50s, I'll just have to just stop answering texts.

Tina (: 45:36

I okay so I did that the other day there was an ex that I had dated slightly like not very long because I found out really quickly that I didn't want to be in that situation with him and he texted the other day and I said hell no and I wrote back not interested and then I blocked him

Robb (: 45:59

Right. Right. I mean.

Tina (: 46:01

and I was like okay he could still probably get a hold of me on social media if he wanted to but we're not friends or anything but I was just like yeah that's no no not doing that again

Robb (: 46:15

He probably got the message But I think you did it the right way You know what I mean? Like it didn't have to be anything more than that I think that that's maybe that's what I would do or or just go I can't do this again and you know move on You know, it's look

Tina (: 46:17

Well if he didn't it wouldn't matter because he's blocked and he's gonna stay blocked.

Tina (: 46:31

Mm-mm.

Tina (: 46:38

Nah, no, nah. Nope.

Robb (: 46:42

Men, and I'm going to use that term very, very happily. No, no, not loosely happily, because we just happen to, I think men fall in love very much deeply. Like when you fall for somebody, it's hard and it's hard to not still look at them that way, generally. Where I think women, I think women move on.

Tina (: 46:48

loosely.

Tina (: 47:04

Yeah.

Robb (: 47:10

way quicker and that's just my own opinion but because i i know guys that that were in a long relationship got hammered or hurt and then they might have went out and banged a bunch of girls but they always thought of her and and i'm talking like four or five years later so it's just be careful old flames

Tina (: 47:11

Do so?

Tina (: 47:29

Yeah.

Tina (: 47:34

get you.

Robb (: 47:39

Can burn you Yeah, just be careful Yeah And look, I won't lie and say it's not nice to talk to some of these people. It is. Without a doubt. I think sometimes it's nice to mostly like this one girl, like I said, it's been 25 years. We're just different humans. Like, you know, she's had four kids.

Tina (: 47:41

and they stay they stay the old flame for a reason keep them there keep them there save yourself

Tina (: 47:55

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 48:09

Since I saw her Yeah so it's it's just you know, it's in this case the one I'm talking about it was just it's nice to find out who the This human was because she was very young when I dated her so it's like You know, she's just she's a she's a woman now. She was a young girl when I dated her so it's just

Tina (: 48:10

Wow.

Tina (: 48:35

Right?

I don't know, I don't feel the need. think that I've been burnt by exes that have come back. I've gone through all that and what the way I feel right now is like keep them as exes. Let's keep them as exes.

Robb (: 48:38

Right. Yeah, I would say I agree with that statement. Like, I think you can talk to people, but make sure that they know that their place is still that X.

Tina (: 48:57

Yeah.

Tina (: 49:05

And make sure you know that you can keep them in that place. Because if you give them an inch... Yep.

Robb (: 49:09

Right. They'll take a mile. Yeah, I think. Yeah, and vice versa. If you're the one if you're the one doing the texting, make sure that everyone knows where everything stands so no one gets hurt. And then it gives everyone an out as well. It's like, well, if you're just texting me for this, I look, I'm good. We haven't text for.

Tina (: 49:25

Yeah.

Tina (: 49:30

Yep.

Robb (: 49:36

10 years, we're fine. We can keep it. Text me again in another 10 years. know, so besides that, any last words before we head off? Yeah. Save yourself. Yeah, I'll go with that.

Tina (: 49:38

Yep, exactly.

Exactly.

Tina (: 49:51

Remember why your ex was your ex and then answer them accordingly. Save yourself. Save yourself.

Robb (: 50:05

All right, well. You can check us out on all social medias, Facebook, Instagram, X, all that fun stuff. And you can hear us pretty much anywhere podcasts are done. So listen to this show and share it with somebody so they can jump on and catch up this, I believe. I'm.

Tina (: 50:30

Is it 200? Are we at the 200?

Robb (: 50:33

I think this is 199. I think, let me just make sure. No, I didn't. I'm not gonna lie. I didn't think we'd be doing this. This will be episode 198. So two more. So we'll have to think of something good for 200.

Tina (: 50:35

Ah! Who knew we would be doing this almost 200 episodes later?

Not us.

Tina (: 50:51

He

Tina (: 50:57

we got two more.

Robb (: 51:01

Maybe I'll head out over there once I'm feeling like I can get out of my house and we'll do like a sit down with me, you and two other people. Speaking of time, our mutual friend with the bad knee, I talked to him yesterday. Yeah, and I said, hey, would you like to like do a pod? And he's like, yeah, I'll do it with you. So he's on board. So.

Tina (: 51:02

Nice.

Tina (: 51:11

Let's do it.

Tina (: 51:18

yeah?

Tina (: 51:26

Ooh, we should do a Guy's Girl trivia or something.

Robb (: 51:29

We can do all kinds of shit. If we can sit down, we just need a good place that's quiet. And your house is not that.

Tina (: 51:39

No, it's not. I'd have to prep for that. And I could. Yeah.

Robb (: 51:43

Yeah, yeah, but well, in the next coming weeks. So also on the flip side of this, if you're still listening, if we skip a week, don't fret, because I'm gonna be high on some drugs and my arm is going to be, I'm sure, in a lot of pain. on the paper, we'll be here every week. And that's it.

Tina (: 51:58

and on the mend.

Tina (: 52:09

Yes.

Robb (: 52:11

I'm going to go get a surgery in, let's see. Yeah, it's at like, I think they said 1130. So in about a little more than 24 hours from when we're recording this, I'll be asleep with some needles in my arm. All right. Thank you, miss. Yeah. And again, we'll we'll do a cheat. She's here shortly, probably the next couple of weeks.

Tina (: 52:14

hours.

Tina (: 52:29

nice. Good luck with that and I'm here if you need me.

Tina (: 52:37

Yes. Okay.

Robb (: 52:40

It's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. That's Tina. I'm Rob. We'll see you in a week.

Tina (: 52:47

See ya!